5 years in the past, HuffPost printed an essay I wrote about my 2019 mind bleed operation that left 4 vital “holes,” or dents, in my cranium. I described within the piece my wrestle to simply accept my new considerably “deformed” look.
Right here’s a part of what I wrote:
“Yet, the surgery left me with four significant ‘holes’ (dents) in my skull — a freakish sort of look on my bald head that is a bit overwhelming for me. It is a radical change in my appearance that has created profound feelings of insecurity. … When I’m out in public now, I notice the looks I get from strangers, most of which seem to say, ‘Yikes! WTF?’ Some [people] … literally gasped when they saw me.”
I additionally talked about that I used to be contemplating one other mind surgical procedure to have titanium plates inserted within the holes to make them visibly much less extreme.
I wrote the essay as a part of my restoration course of from the trauma of mind surgical procedure. All through my life, writing has offered a method for me to course of occasions and are available to grips with each setbacks and achievements. My hope was that writing the piece would assist me articulate my deepest fears and insecurities from the expertise and permit me to maneuver ahead. I didn’t anticipate an intense response. Boy was I fallacious.
Courtesy of William Felice
I acquired over 400 responses (emails, letters, handwritten notes) from HuffPost readers with considerate and supportive phrases of encouragement and I saved all of them. One reader wrote, “I think your holes are really cool. … Be proud of them. You lived through the procedures.” One other reader wrote, “Keep your chin up, your shoulders back, and go confidently into the world. … Anyone who doesn’t see the person inside isn’t worthy of your time.” Another person advised me, “I understand you’re feeling self-conscious. BUT everyone has flaws or abnormalities that they are uncomfortable with. … If some people are put off by this, it’s their problem — not yours. Enjoy your life to the fullest.”
Such overwhelming, great help actually helped me by means of a tough transition to acceptance of my new bodily actuality. The concept over 400 strangers would take the time to achieve out, not solely to bolster my spirits however to get me to see the utter stupidity of our fashionable tradition’s obsession with superficial appearances, was humbling. The individuals who wrote me actually signify the most effective of America — people doing what they’ll to assist others confront life’s hurdles.
All of this helped me to deal with what was actually essential: I survived a life-threatening mind bleed with no neurological injury. With this within the forefront of my thoughts, I made a decision to not have one other mind surgical procedure to have titanium plates fill the holes in my cranium. An operation like that may have been solely for beauty functions and never medically crucial. I didn’t need to take the dangers — together with neurological injury and infections — that accompany surgical procedure of that nature. The help from my husband, Dale, was the important thing to serving to me make this resolution and chill out about my look. His love has nothing to do with my look however relies on who I’m. I additionally acquired important help from family and friends.
Courtesy of William Felice
In my unique HuffPost essay, I wrote about being particularly anxious about returning as a professor to the classroom and going through younger individuals with my new look. I shouldn’t have nervous. My college students have been accepting, beneficiant and nonjudgmental. They outlined me not by how I look, however on the standard of my instructing.
I’ve come to simply accept my look and have moved on with my life. Nevertheless, I’d be mendacity if I stated it’s been straightforward or that I’m now completely snug with my new bodily actuality. We nonetheless reside in a society that places nice worth on appearances and bombards us with promotions of manufactured wants for Botox, hair merchandise, cosmetics and cosmetic surgery.
As well as, I can nonetheless stir a disquieting public response. Just lately, whereas sitting in a medical ready room with my husband, a person throughout from us checked out my head and loudly exclaimed, “Wow. Your head really took a beating!” His intent was not malicious. He was simply startled and I didn’t take offense. Such reactions now appear regular to me and are simply a part of my life.
Most individuals won’t ever face having 4 holes of their heads like I do, however most of us do or can have one thing that makes us totally different from everybody else. The extra we will present kindness to one another and our variations, the higher off we’ll be. This appears significantly essential in our present world the place cruelty and sowing division appear extra well-liked than ever.
Courtesy of William Felice
My life reworked radically 5 years in the past — first with my life-changing surgical procedure after which once I went public about my new look in HuffPost. Since then, I’ve discovered my method ahead and discovered loads about myself. The love I’ve acquired from the individuals in my life — and full strangers — has allowed me to maintain going, whereas specializing in the issues that really matter in my life.
One other HuffPost reader despatched an e-mail that learn, “I have never written a letter/email like this; however, I just want to say that I think the 4 badges of courage you were left with after your life-saving surgery are absolutely beautiful. If I saw you on the street, yes, I might give you an astonished look … but I would also smile and tell you that I’m glad you made it through. Be well, Dr. Felice, and Godspeed.”
I’m glad too — and really feel even luckier to have acquired such lovely help. I hope we will all endeavor to point out up for one another like this.
William F. Felice is professor emeritus of political science at Eckerd Faculty. He’s the writer of six books on human rights and worldwide relations. Felice was named the 2006 Professor of the 12 months by the Carnegie Basis for the Development of Instructing. Felice acquired his Ph.D. from New York College and served as a trustee on the board of the Carnegie Council for Ethics in Worldwide Relations. Felice may be reached through his web site at williamfelice.com.
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