The Better of the Dangerous Guys sequence seems to be at a few of the greatest kills which have been dedicated by Santa Claus in films
Santa Claus has made extra appearances in movies than Batman, Jason Voorhees, James Bond, and Elvis mixed. Folks love their Santa Claus. Particularly within the horror style. However give it some thought for a second. It is a man who spends the whole yr remoted within the North Pole with a whole military of tiny elves to do his bidding and retains tabs on our youngsters all year long. Whether or not they’re naughty or good. Whether or not they’re sleeping or awake. Then, yearly, he hovers over our properties like a New Jersey UAP and slides into our chimneys with middle-of-the-night presents for our youngsters. It’s fairly horrifying when you consider it. That is most likely why on Tubi alone, you’ll discover twenty-five or so completely different movies that function Santa Claus slicing and dicing his manner by the night time. It’s inherently creepy. So with that being mentioned, welcome to “Best of the Bad Guys”, the place we rejoice one of the best of horrors worst villains. On at present’s episode, we’ve combed by a whole bunch of Santa Claus horror films to convey you our 5 favourite moments the place both Santa or somebody impersonating Santa kills with yuletide glee. Right here, so as of launch date, are 5 of our favourite Santa Claus slayings:
In 1980’s Christmas Evil a toy manufacturing unit worker turns into mentally unstable after strolling in on his dad dressed as Santa about to go down his mother’s chimney. Which, to be truthful is a stain in your reminiscence you wouldn’t have the ability to scrub out with extremely concentrated bleach. However no excuse for what comes subsequent. After a lifetime of obsession with changing into Santa Claus himself (The very last thing you’d assume you’d need to do after witnessing him pleasing your individual mom. However I’m no psychologist!), Harry finally ends up cracking up, believing he’s Santa Claus, delivering toys to sick youngsters, and happening a teensy tiny little homicide spree. This explicit kill comes when Harry is standing exterior as Midnight Mass releases dressed as Santa with a bag filled with toys he stole from his manufacturing unit. A bunch of main buttholes bully him. He reaches in his bag and tells the man from The Purge “I have something for you”. The timing couldn’t be extra good because the uber douche responds, “I have superlative taste” proper as Santa plunges the sharp a part of Soldier Steve proper into his eyehole. The reproduction head considerably resembles the one from eye-pop scene in Friday the thirteenth Half 3D, or that one scene in Terminator however with the added marvel of this goo squirting out of it. So gross! He then pulls out a small toy hatchet and… wait a second… who’s making these toys for youngsters to play with? He pulls out the Chucky-sized, truly sharp hatchet and hacks the skulls of a number of others proper in entrance of the whole church viewers earlier than pulling off in his van which can or could not flip into an precise sleigh flying off into the night time sky later within the movie.
Subsequent up, the trophy kill in 1984’s Silent Evening, Lethal Evening. As soon as once more we’re coping with a psychotic Molotov cocktail of childhood trauma and intercourse that leads Billy to go on a homicide spree dressed as Santa Claus. On this explicit scene, two children are about to be naughty on a pool desk when a cat on the door interrupts them. So, Denise and Tommy are making out on a pool desk. Or extra so he’s making out with the left aspect of her chin. Significantly dude, what within the Mark Wahlberg are you doing? As Denise checks on the cat, Billy pops into the body, tells her he desires her punished for having these issues out and making this video onerous to edit and begins chasing her round the home. After a few misses with the axe, Santa picks her up and spots some extraordinarily, sharp deer antlers on the wall. He lets her know what he thinks about her boobs another time earlier than selecting her up as if he’s about to carry out a powerbomb however as a substitute slowly impales her on the antlers. You simply know that deer is like “What the hell even is today?” The scene is equally cool and anguishing to get by because the antlers go in slowly, one on all sides of her decrease backbone and we watch them painstakingly protrude by her pores and skin. It’s darkish. So darkish, that it actually adjustments the filter of the movie right into a darker, grainier state of affairs. It’s gnarly.
In 2012, a nasty little pseudo-remake of Silent Evening, Lethal Evening launched titled simply Silent Evening. I gained’t communicate on the standard of the film as an entire however there are a number of Santa kill moments right here worthy of the checklist. One particularly is among the nastiest and coolest axe-to-head scenes ever. In the present day, nonetheless, we’re going with the wooden chipper kill. Within the scene, a porn shoot is interrupted by our Santa who proceeds to stab a dude within the miscle-taint earlier than chasing an in fact topless lady down the road and right into a Christmas tree farm. Wonderful Christmas environment and setting for a brutal kill. Even when a few of the chase scene was filmed like a type of camera-on-meth moments from the Noticed franchise. The topless marvel sees a huge wooden chipper and in all of her psychological prowess decides to cover shut by. Santa pops out and chops her leg off, sending it flying into the air like a goddamn discipline objective try. Significantly, I fell in a Lowes as soon as. Not my proudest second. And my flip-flop went flying throughout the room identical to this. Solely this was a god-forsaken leg! Loopy enterprise. Lastly, Santa dumps her toes first into the stripper chipper so she will really feel each second of it. The heart taking pictures out violently from the opposite aspect was a beautiful contact and I’m undecided how scientifically right this kill is however my god did it have an odd realism to it. Horrible method to die.
Very similar to our subsequent kill, which takes place in 2022’s Violent Evening. This movie kind of asks the query “What if John McClane were Santa Claus in a Die Hard film with more gore?” and ends with a last fistfight between David Harbour’s Santa and John Leguizamo’s Scrooge. Scrooge has Santa half crucified with a knife in his hand towards what’s left of a constructing’s chimney when Santa grossly rips his hand free. He taunts Scrooge with the concept he nonetheless believes in Santa, giving him the magical energy he must seize a maintain of Scrooge and suck them each up a chimney. Solely, Scrooge doesn’t HAVE Santa’s powers, and if-so, fact-o, doesn’t match by the chimney. So, he comes out the opposite finish merely an stomach as blood bursts by the winter night time sky in an superior vogue. All capped off with Santa laughing like John McClane and even throwing a refined little “Ho, ho, ho” in there.
Lastly, there was no manner this checklist was going to exist with Artwork the Clown and Terrifier 3 being on it! To be trustworthy, you might take nearly any kill from Terrifier 3 and it could make this checklist as a result of nobody kills like Artwork. The thoughts naturally goes to the bathe scene as a result of Artwork takes a chainsaw and shoves it inside a person’s rectum. HOWEVER shamelessly selling it, we’re leaving that kill out at present as a result of we coated it on this final episode of Better of the Dangerous Guys. Additionally, as a result of this subsequent kill contains Santa on Santa crime.
Artwork hilariously stumbles right into a bar that features the good Clint Howard, the Bartender Eddie, and a Santa Claus impersonator performed by Daniel Roebuck (Who you would possibly keep in mind because the nasty strip membership proprietor in Rob Zombies Halloween 2). After the gentleman buys Artwork a shot, pondering he’s a fellow entertainer, Artwork spits it again in Santa’s face. It’s hilarious as a result of you’ll be able to inform that this very nicely could also be a pure response from Artwork right here. In his childlike manner, he seemed like he had no concept that the liquor was going to style so unhealthy and was genuinely shocked and pissed. He then follows this up by pissing in Santa’s lap and laughing at him. Artwork then unceremoniously shoots each Clint and Eddie however takes his time with Santa. He strips him all the way down to his skivvies and proceeds to make use of a liquid nitrogen tank to freeze his limbs little by little earlier than hammering away at them like some sick recreation of whack-a-mole. The particular results listed here are hauntingly wonderful and it leaves you to marvel precisely what it could really feel prefer to have big chunks of your physique frozen and eliminated by blunt trauma. Not a pleasing headspace. Talking of heads, Artwork then goes to city on his face and in a most heinous second rips his beard off, pores and skin included, and mocks him with it. Artwork rips half of his face off earlier than ending his masterpiece by turning him from a monogamous, kind-hearted, if not half-drunk Santa Claus into the world’s most messed-up snowman.
Bear in mind, although these are the 5 Santa Claus homicide moments that we selected to concentrate on at present. There’s a endless plethora, a buffet if you’ll, of the wicked, disgusting issues that Santa Claus has accomplished all through movie. In Silent Evening, Lethal Evening alone, the film opens up with Billy’s mother being murdered by Santa Claus in a really traumatic second that units the stage for all the things to come back after. Later within the movie, there’s an superior sledding beheading that takes place. All through the remainder of the franchise, there are a number of different notable kills as nicely. Together with in Silent Evening, Lethal Evening 2 with the well-known “It’s garbage day!” kill. Even when he wasn’t dressed as Santa Claus, it‘s still great all the same. There’s a whole movie the place Invoice Goldberg goes by and murders people dressed as Santa Claus. Don’t neglect the insane quantity of Santa Claus films accessible on Tubi proper now. There’s one thing sick and darkish inside all of us that desires to see this jolly creature undergo and heinously homicide people. I’m right here for it. So are you. Let’s cease pretending.
I’d love to go away you on a extra constructive word than Santa having his extremities was an ice sculpture of f*ck. However that’s what you got here right here for now, isn’t it? So, let me suggest a few films that will not have made this checklist however function some wonderful Santa Claus homicide, dying, kill moments. There’s A Christmas Horror Story the place we see Santa slay a bunch of zombie elves and are ultimately welcomed to an much more haunting fact. And Christmas Bloody Christmas, a punk rock Christmas movie the place Santa Claus is the Terminator. I hope you loved this as a lot as I did and that you just all have a tremendous vacation season the place the one factor getting dismembered are your financial institution accounts. Like the remainder of us.
A few the earlier episodes of The Better of the Dangerous Guys could be seen under. To see extra, click on over to the JoBlo Horror Originals YouTube channel – and subscribe when you’re there!
