The Criterion Assortment pretended to be releasing Kindergarten Cop into {the catalogue}, just for it to be shortly revealed as a prank.
It’s not a tumor! Greater than a decade in the past, The Criterion Assortment included 1990’s Kindergarten Cop. In fact, because it was clearly an April Idiot’s Day prank, Ivan Reitman’s film would by no means make it to the beloved boutique label. However that doesn’t imply Criterion didn’t put all their efforts into their fake launch.
For starters, it had completely killer cowl artwork that includes Arnold Schwarzenegger in drawing type, full with a infantile coloring job. Flip over to the again of the field and also you’d discover a actually ingenious write-up that positioned Kindergarten Cop as much more complicated than unique audiences thought:
“Historically, the policier and the family comedy were two distinct categories. Then, in 1990, Kindergarten Cop gave us all a lesson in genre revisionism. With muscular sensitivity, Hollywood’s last action hero Arnold Schwarzenegger embodies detective John Kimble, who is compelled to go undercover as a teacher of five-year-olds in order to catch a ponytailed drug dealer. Though it’s distinguished by pulse-pounding suspense, a Crayola-bright palette by cinematographer Michael Chapman (Taxi Driver), and trenchant observations about education in the Bush I era, the film’s emotional center is Schwarzenegger’s gruff yet good-tempered interaction with a class full of precocious scamps, including a tumor-forewarning death-obsessive and a genitalia expert. By leavening a children’s film with enough violence to please even the most cold-hearted bastard, director Ivan Reitman shows that he refuses to color inside the lines.”
However Criterion didn’t cease there with Kindergarten Cop, even giving it a bevy of particular options and a 5.1 encompass DTS-HD audio switch. These particular options included a brand new commentary with then-Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, excerpts from a French TV interview with Ivan Reitman, a brand new documentary with famed detective Frank Serpico and San Francisco police legend Dave Toschi (performed by Mark Ruffalo in David Fincher’s Zodiac), a bit on the imaginary cuts made to make sure a family-friendly score, a mock overview from iconic movie critic James Agee (who died in 1955…), and extra. Whereas this is able to solely be a prank, Kino Lorber truly gave Kindergarten Cop the Blu-ray remedy in 2024; sadly, the one particular options have been two audio commentaries and a trailer.
In 2013, Criterion chosen 1984’s C.H.U.D. as their April Idiot’s Day prank. Sadly, it’s been over a decade since they’ve accomplished these, however it’d be cool in the event that they obtained again into the enjoyable.
